He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
