Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
