How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
