he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Vodka?
Forever.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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