You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize