we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
