he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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