his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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