Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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