pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
