She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
