I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
