Christians are straight up FREAKS
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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