I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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