Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
