If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
