Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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