You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
