I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
