im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
