Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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