i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
