The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
