apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You need a sexual gate keeper
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
