apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
