I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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