we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
