Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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