I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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