I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
FUCK WHALES
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
