It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
