If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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