1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
