Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize