a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize