I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just threw up on my dentist
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Houston, we have a blender
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
