I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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