Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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