remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
