So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
a search helicopter?!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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