i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
