It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
