Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
