He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
