I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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