I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize