Is it because I queefed?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
