I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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