I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
