soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
