Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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