you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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