dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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