Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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