Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize