Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
