pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
