yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
