my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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