ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
