So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
