Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
