This is not my ceiling
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
