Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
