He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize