Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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