I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
