don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
