Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
