I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize