john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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