I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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