Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
