it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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