I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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