just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
