He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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