"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
